Sunday, July 18, 2010
The fear of fail hovers over us. The society we live in now has only compounded this fear. The concept of doing anything different, or inconsistent with the norm of your peers, with simply get you thrown into the fire. I am blessed with wonderful parents, who have done so much to support and nurture the creative side of myself, and my brothers. Why? Because they rightly think that it is important. I truly believe that my gifts are on loan from God. I, as a human, possess nothing. There is nothing inside of me that makes me able to play the piano with any decency. I know there are moments, glorious moments, where the song is magnificent. Where something from within is pouring out of me with such perfection that it simply can not be me. Before I get carried away, you must understand that these moments come about once every two months. Of course I ask myself if it's worth it. I am putting in ten hours of practice a week, for about 2 minutes of perfection. You better be sure that I doubt myself! There are so many days that I don't show up for "my job." I know I will never be the best. My senior recital was exactly this kind of event. The music flowed from me, like never before. And now I sit at the piano thinking "I will never be able to top that".
As a Catholic, I believe that this genius is the Holy Spirit. That when the spirit is within me, I am able to play and perform in this way. I am almost always able to directly correlate my prayer life with playing the piano, and that is sometimes the most frightening of all.