Well the weather outside is fright full for anyone living in the sad state of Missouri/Kansas.
It's cold outside and my heart is just as cold. It seems like every time a holiday rolls around I end up feeling sorry for my self and getting depressed (in a stretch of the word). I forget what the purpose of my life is...
Why do people like me? Sometimes I wonder...
After watching You've God Mail last week I've been thinking a lot about my life.
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
This is exactly the way I feel about my life. It's hard to deal with the fact that people will let you down. Sooner or later, no matter how close they are to you, they will always let you down. It because we are a fallen race. It's not really our fault...but sometimes it's hard to see things this way.
Sometimes I wonder about love. It's this strange thing that God has placed in our world...and sometimes I wonder if He just put it here to get a good laugh out of the human race. No one fully understands how it works, why we feel empty without it, and why we love who we love.
Last week Becca and I, during our weekly "therapy session", we asked the question "if I died...what would happen?" No one goes around telling their friends "if you died, I would miss you, and so would all the human race". But that's what we think in our hearts. What true friend would you not feel this about? We just forget to tell them this. We take for granted all that we have been given. We don't realize how much we depend on those we love, until they are taken away from us. I don't know if my friends will read this, but I love you all, so much. Even if you do let me down, even if I never impact your life, I still love you, and I can't imagine my life with out any of you.