A wonderful thing about life is that there are some thing we will never know. Why my Starbucks latte is never hot enough, why it always rains the day after I wash my car, why the jello in the dining halls is always low fat and blue when red is obviously the better color. And finally, you don’t know why this jerk isn’t texting you back. Maybe they don’t like you or are scared they like you too much. (Does the latter ever happen though? Do people ever get freaked out, like in a negative way, when they actually like someone and they know the person likes them back? Maybe they do. If so, we’re doomed.) You’re thinking of a myriad of different things while waiting for that response back. Most of which are some variant of “I’m not good enough. I probably smell weird. How am I supposed to get someone to love me when they can’t even send me a @#%& text message?”
You’ll never know the real reasons why they aren’t going to text you back. Trust me. It’s better not knowing. In addition to this, I think my single gals are short changing themselves. Let’s add a little variety and truth to the reasons why we’re single:
People bug me.
I’m holding out for a Sugar Daddy.
I’m allergic to testosterone.
Ryan Reynold’s doesn’t know who I am yet.
I refuse to sleep on anything less than 500 thread count sheets.
I know your grandmother, mother, aunt and annoying friend from elementary school all want to know why you “still don’t have a boyfriend”. I know we’re at the awkward phase where our highschool-prego friends all have toddlers and our college friends are getting engaged and it seems like the only exciting thing happening to your life is the new sweater you found on the clearance rack at the new H&M store. Even though society is telling us that men get to look like Seth Rogen and women have to look like Katherine Heigl, wouldn’t it be great if we held out a little longer?
Go to the mattresses! Fight. Fight to the death!